One obsession with my faults

Let me first say I love only Jeff (my man) and I know 1000% that he is the one for me, but I have a fault that he knows of but I tend to hide very well.

Everytime I find out an ex has gotten engaged or married it kills me. Not because I have feelings for them but because it is like a reminder that there is something about me that is so unbearable I ma not marriage worthly. Something alwasy gets to me and says “Your screwed up. See they are married and in love. They are marriable and lovable. YOU ARE NOT!!”

I know I should be happy and I am. I know I shouldn’t compare mine and Jeff’s relationship to anyone elses and I don’t.

I know it might seem like thats what I am doing but I swear i am not. I have no feeling for anyone other than Jeff. I am happy for those who have found someone in there life who loves them faults and all.

I have so many faults. What happens when Jeff decides he can’t get over all my annoyances. I worry about that.

I am not perfect, FAR from it and I worry that no one will ever be able to deal with me.

The good thing is I have always been ok with being on my own. I can go days without talking to anyone and be perfectly fine.

So i will be fine no matter what, I would just be happier with Jeff than alone.