Here it is

06/10/2009 at 7:50 PM Leave a comment

I have been debating on posting this. I have been thinking about how this could come back to bite me in the butt, but pretty much anything and everything bad that could be caused from this situation has already happened.

Ok get ready this is a long one because I have to give all the details.

It was the day before easter and I was visiting family. My 3 yr. old nephew and I were playing outside (It was 4 in the afternoon). My sister told him to come inside because she didn’t want him to get dirty (she gave him a bath already). My dad said in a light hearted way “let the kid play”. My sister then asks me what was said and I tell her and she said

“well I already gave him a bath”

I say “well why would you do that at 4 in the afternoon”

she says” Because I can”

I say ” Ok Good for you” This little comment is what set her off because when I said it I said it with a smile on my face and said it as sweet as I could.

She says ” Thats right”

I say ” I know, i said good for you”  in the same tone and the same big smile on my face. For those of you who aren’t big readers of my blog you won’t know that I have PCOS ( Ihave a blog about it for more info). Basically the doctors have told me it will be very hard for me to have children and pretty much a miracle. This is a very hard thing for me to live with.

She says “Well when you have kids, IF you have kids…..” After she said that part the rest of what she said went in one ear and out the other.

I start crying like no other and i was so furious. My sister has always said and done hurtful things to me. She use to make comments about my weight while I was growing up. I am not saying it has always been bad. We have had our moments. I have never said anything to her about how she hurts my feelings because I felt like  every time I would tell her how something hurt it was turned around on me. I am not saying i am innocent I have said some hurtful things but not like she has and not to my only sister. Back to the story… I am crying on the back porch and my mom is trying to console me about 2 or 3 minutes go by and my sister comes outside

She says in a cold and heartless way with no feeling ” I’m sorry, it just dawned on me how you took that and that is not how I meant it” She had this look on her face like she didn’t want to have to be out there apologizing to me. I feel and i can’t stress enough that this is what I think and feel, that the only reason she came out there and apologized was because someone heard what she said.

I begin to go off on her about how I constantly feel like I have to walk on egg shells around her to not piss her off.

My mom puts her hand on my shoulder and says “Calm down. Look how calm your sister is being”

I say ” No. I can’t.” I said alot of things that I can’t remember word for word but I know the jist of what I was saying was about how mean my sister was and that she knew exactly what she was saying and she meant it to be hurtful.

My mom tries to calm us both down and puts her ( I remember this part so vividly) hand on my sister’s shoulder and says “Your sister is just trying to say that she doesn’t feel your apology was sincere”

This is were it really goes down hill.

My sister took a step towards my mom and while flailing her arms says ” This is not between you and me this is between her and me” My sister was in my mother’s face yelling and for me that is a big no no.

I took a step between them and looked down on my sister and said ” Don’t you EVER get in my mothers face and yell at her like EVER again”

She pushed me.

I pushed her.

She threw a punch and missed.

I didn’t.

I remember hearing my mom yell for my dad and I remember him running and grabbing me. Let me explain a little side note. I have never EVER been in a fight and she has. I have though had to defend myself to my sister many times before this. When I lose my temper I yell and cuss and cry but I never say anything hurtful. I speak the truth of how I feel. My sister loses her temper she gets violent. I don’t want this to come across as if I am bad mouthing my sister because I am not. She is a wonderful person, she is just that way with everyone else but me. It has always been that way. back to the story….

About 4 hours of crying and begging for her forgiveness go by with no sign of moving on. The only thing that really makes me mad about this is that my sister denies she pushed me first and that she threw a punch. The thing is I remember and so do 4 other people who saw it all happen.

So now about 2 weeks go by and I send her flowers (that was drama too). The flower place calls me and tells me that the flowers were refused.

 I text her on mothers day and of course no responce.

Here is the cherry topper. Here is why I decided it was ok to blog this. There is nothing else that she can do to hurt me.

I can no longer see my nephew, even when he is visiting my parents. That hurt worse that losing her. We were never really never that close. Now though the cutest little boy in the world, one who stole my heart when he came into this world will never know who I am and I will never know who he grows up to be.


Entry filed under: Just Plain Me, Life. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

TruBlood 2 I’m a smoker

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